Save stamps! Save money! Save a letter carrier. Send an electronic greeting card today.

It’s a little known secret that slimy slugs spend their winters in lovely Capistrano, and return to our patios and gardens on this date. Bare feet are not a good idea.

Anywhere north of the Panama Canal. In order to keep poisonous cobra snakes out of North America, all citizens are asked to go outdoors at noon local time and yell “fudge!” Fudge makes cobras gag, and the mere mention of it makes them skeedaddle.

Women are always talking about it, so here's the day to commemorate it! Women everywhere are to make a list of "stupid guy things" and pass it on!

Whatever it is that’s been grabbing your gut or your psyche, let it go. Just let it go. It’ll be a better day afterwards.

Here’s the day when the tired old greeting actually gains acceptance. Go ahead, say it, if you don’t have anything else to add. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAxY4AlHHyA

While you're waiting for whatever it is to finally come up on your screen, race your mouse in and around the icons. Do it, and you'll feel peppy.

Lawyer jokes abound, but when push comes to shove, these are the folks who can end up saving the day.

So you think you have years to make up with your sister? Months to reach out to Mom? Forget it! You're not even guaranteed a tomorrow. Do it today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XkV6IpV2Y0

To share any or all of our frustrations, all citizens of the world will go outdoors at twelve hundred hours Greenwich time and scream for thirty seconds. We will all feel better, or Earth will go off its orbit. Co-sponsored by Low Thresholders of the Earth League.

To encourage everyone to check and see if they’re really headed where they want to be..

A worldwide day of remembrance to honor all those married to Scorpions and who suffer greatly. Assert yourself today! Hide their household flow charts.

For those who are filled with revulsion at being told endlessly to “have a nice day,” this day is a brief respite. Store and business owners are to ask workers to tell customers to “have a bad day.”

A perfect day for the world-weary to revel in their apathy.

Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by. Invite a few friends!

Pathologists and coroners are an especially jovial lot, and befriending one of them offers an ongoing reminder than “tomorrow” is not necessarily a guarantee.

If we have to explain this to you, you don’t have kids. It’s the one day each year when mom and dad can tell the kids that Barbie and Barney don’t exist.

A world wonders: after all these years, who is Pete and why do we do or not do things for his sake?